Not Enough
by Erin Cade
Summary: He was a perfect gentleman, the one who could never hurt a fly, except when he got really mad. He was the handsome, charming greaser who would always have my heart. He was Sodapop Curtis, and hurting him was the worst mistake I had ever made.


**Not Enough**

_Return to Sender_.

I slipped the envelope into the post, hastily wiping my tears away.

It was my own fault, my mistake. And now I would have to take responsibility for what I did.

I couldn't hurt Soda, not again. Not after what I did. To rid him of any pain, I had to let him go.

_"I'm pregnant." The words barely escaped my mouth._

_Soda stared at me. "W-what?"_

_I swallowed. "I'm pregnant." I repeated, my voice barely above a whisper._

_Soda looked at the ground. I could detect the pain in his eyes._

_"Is.. is it mine?" He already knew the answer, since we had never done it before._

_"N-no." I stuttered, and Soda's facial expression was one of pain and anger._

_"You.. you cheated on me." He said slowly, as if he couldn't believe it._

_"I'm so sorry." I whispered, my tears escaping my eyes._

_After a moment of silence, I looked up at him._

_"Who is it?" He asked, his voice hardening._

_"Who is what?" I replied, knowing full well what he meant._

_"Who's the father?" I had never heard Soda speak like this._

_"It.. it doesn't matter." I looked away from him, barely able to hide my shame._

_"Yes it does Sandy. Who's the father?"_

_I gulped, and avoided looking into his eyes. "Brett Manson."_

_Soda's eyes widened. "Brett Manson? From the Brumly Boys?"_

_I nodded._

_"Why him, Sandy? You know I hate his guts.. after he beat me that day."_

_"I don't know, Soda. I really don't." I replied, wiping my tears away._

I sighed as I made my way back to my grandmother's house.

The truth is, the thing I craved most was attention. I just wanted to feel good.

I mean, Soda was like the pefect boyfriend, he gave me everything I needed, but for me.. it wasn't enough. I craved something more.

Soda was always busy doing other things. Sometimes, when we went to a drag race together, he would barely acknowledge my presence.

He would get so caught up in the competition he'd let go of my hand and wander away. And _I'd_ get so fed up that I'd leave.

All I wanted was to feel good. This came in the form of Brett Manson.

That day, a few months ago, Soda and I went along to a drag race, and Brett was there.

They raced. Soda lost, and Brett made him mad. Since Dallas Winston was there, he helped to stop a fist fight between the two.. which Soda started.

Brett made _me_ feel good. After Soda went off with Dallas Winston, Brett gave me compliments.. and I felt like a girl again. I felt really great about myself, and I was getting the attention I felt I deserved.

When Brett asked me to Buck Merril's that night for a party, I couldn't refuse. I loved being noticed, and I liked it when he made me feel good.

He never told me there would be alcohol at the party, honestly he didn't. I thought the punch tasted weird and I asked him about it, but he simply said Buck had a new supplier.

I didn't refuse when he asked me to a room. I was drunk by that point, anyway. He led me into a room, and one thing led to another.. long story short, I made the biggest mistake of my life that night.

_"Come on, Sandy. There has to be some reason. Why?" Soda's eyes escaped a tear, no matter how tough he was trying to act._

_"I.. I'm sorry. I'm leaving tomorrow, to my grandmother's. I'm sorry." I turned to leave, but he grabbed my wrist._

_"Sandy, this could be our chance! We could begin our brand new life together! We could get married, and I could help raise the kid.. I don't care if it's not mine. Not anymore. Please Sandy, I love you. I don't want to lose you."_

_Soda's eyes held raw pain. I looked into his eyes, and I so badly wanted to accept. The truth was, I loved him right back, and I really did want to spend the rest of my life with him._

_But I couldn't. I couldn't live with Soda every single day of my life and watch him see my mistake grow up.. I couldn't put him through it._

_I broke free from his grasp. "I'm sorry Soda, I really am. I love you."_

_Soda stood there, a single tear running down his cheek._

_I gulped, and wiped my tears away. "Goodbye, Sodapop Curtis, goodbye."_

I sat on the deck chair when I reached the house. Besides letting Soda go, mailing that letter back was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. So badly I wanted to run back to the post, rip open the letter and read what he had to say.

So badly I wanted to go back to Tulsa, run if I had to, to spend the rest of my life with Sodapop Curtis. But in my heart, I knew I'd done the right thing. I couldn't let Soda live with the daily reminder about how I hurt him. I just couldn't let him live with that.

I did love him, I truly did, and only after I moved did I realize how much. Never once did he hit me, critisize me, or blame me for any of his problems. He was a perfect gentleman, the one who could never hurt a fly, except when he got really mad. He was the handsome, charming greaser who would always have my heart.

He was Sodapop Curtis, and hurting him was the worst mistake I had ever made.


End file.
